Thank You, College

I have always had a hard time letting the past go.  I like to hold onto things that I shouldn’t hold on to and I don’t like change.  College was an adjustment to say the least.  I clung to my high school friends for the first half of freshman year, and although I was in a sorority, I didn’t let myself be fully involved because I was scared of letting go of my past.  As I got used to college classes and my schedule, I started to get the feel for it a little more and I finally started having fun and meeting people.  It wasn’t really until this year that I started to meet my best college friends.  Here are a few reasons why my college friends are my best friends:

1. They know my flaws and make me want to fix them

2. They will stay in with me if I need a girls night

3. ….Or guarantee that I will the best night if I want to go out

4. They don’t BS me when they think I am being absolutely ridiculous

5. They know WAY too much about my relationships

6. They don’t judge me for my 13 text messages in a row, even if they are all about the same thing

7. They listen to stories about my past and actually care about what I have to say

8. They make me work out, even if I can barely get out of bed

9. …And they will encourage me to eat a bag of Oreos when I get back from the gym

10. They pretend to love Taylor Swift (and Blank Space) just to make me happy

11. They will spend an entire day with me in the library, even though I am the most distracting study partner in history

12. They tell me exactly what to do when I have no idea how to handle the obstacles in my life

13. They don’t like anyone who has ever broken my heart

14. …and they will never like that one girl who stabbed me in the back, even if they have never met her

15. They send me spontaneous texts to remind me how much they love me

16. …And they know I would always do the same

17. They are the reason why I don’t sit in my bed watching One Tree Hill through my whole college career

18. …Although they will binge watch Netflix with me all day if necessary

19. They tell me when I need to let go of that one boy who isn’t worth holding onto anymore

20. …And they are completely honest with me about the people they think are bad for me

21. They will ditch their boyfriend if I’m having a bad day just to make sure I’m okay

22. They listen to me rant about life for hours, even if my point has no relevance

23. They back me up even if they know I’m wrong

24. I love them more than ANYTHING ❤

Thank you, college, for giving me some of the best friends I could ever ask for.

I love you,

Chan

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BFF4L

I have always been told “College is where you meet your best friends for life”.  Although I believe this to an extent, something inside me tells me that the people I met in high school aren’t going anywhere for a long time.  I am one of the lucky ones.  I have been blessed with wonderful friends since I can remember.  Yes, we have our problems and drama, but we always have each others backs no matter what.  I am here to tell you quite a few reasons why high school friends can still be completely relevant and important in college.

1. They are the people you absolutely cannot WAIT to see when you come home for break

2. If you’re having a bad day, you know they are just a text or phone call away

3. They will ALWAYS back you up on why that one girl that went to your high school should absolutely NOT be in your sorority

4. They were friends with you through the awkward stages of life… so you know it’s real

5. They know the old you, and love you because of who you have become since then

6. At this point, there isn’t anything you can’t say to each other, because you have REALLY seen it all

7. They respect your college friends, but know that doesn’t mean your love for them has faded at all

8. They get that the drama you had in high school can still be completely relevant in college situations (or completely irrelevant)

9. You can go weeks, or even months, without talking, and it’s still completely normal when you finally see one another again

10. They know your parents better than you do

11. You have someone to be embarrassed with about old Facebook photos…

12. Y’all are WAY past judgement

13. You know that they will be completely honest with you even if it’s something you really don’t want to hear

14. They know every secret you could ever think of and you know all of theirs

15. You basically live with one another over Christmas and summer breaks

16. ❤ You would not trade them for anyone else in the world ❤

Yes, I am lucky to have friends like this from high school.  Of course I have made wonderful lifetime friends in college, but I am just feeling extra thankful for the wonderful people I met in high school.  There are always going to be those people who stick around no matter what, and I think I am lucky enough to have found that.

Love you all,

Chan

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A Taylor Swift GIF For Every Text Message

I’m sure you all know that I love Taylor Swift more than anything, and I have found that she has some of the best gifs when it comes to expressing emotions.  So here are some of my favorites:

1. hellogif

“Hello” – Yes, there is a gif to just say hi.

2. taylorgif

“Honestly, I don’t care” – This one just plainly says “I don’t care about your opinion, I’m just over it”.  Or “I’m really just so much better than you, you should probably stop talking.”

3. taylorscaredgif

“I don’t even know what is going on right now”- This gif says “literally, what the heck is going on??? I don’t know what to do with my life.”  Or it could also be communicated as “you really just freaked me out so I don’t even know what to say back.”

4. winninggif

“YAAAS!”– Only use this gif if you are completely ecstatic that something just happened, or someone finally gets that thing you have been explaining to them for an hour. It’s just like “WOW! I’m glad you finally understand.”

5. Taylor-Swift-Nodgif

“Okay, whatever you say.” – When you are in that situation where the other person thinks they are so right but you know in reality you’re the one that’s actually right.  You don’t have the heart to keep arguing, or maybe you just don’t have the energy anymore.  You can just simply use this gif.

6. taylorlaughinggif

“Wow, you’re an idiot.” – This one is for those times where you can’t believe someone just said what they did, or maybe it’s just so incredibly odd that you don’t know what to say.  Now you have a gif for it.

7. whatgif

“Excuse me, what?” – This one is just “I cannot believe you just said that!” Or maybe you are extremely confused.

8. taylorlaughinggif2

This GIF is just so cute I had to put it in here.  It can be used when you actually think something is funny, or maybe when you just said something embarrassing and you don’t know what else to do.  Taylor’s got your back.

9. iknowlolgif

“Yeah, I know. What can I say?”- This is basically saying I told you so.  I’m right and you know I was right the whole time so I proved my point successfully.

10. awkwardgif

“That was awkward.” – Either you or the other person just said something realllllly awkward and you don’t know what else to say at all.  Taylor’s face says it all, really.

11. icantbelieveyougif

I’m not sure I would send this to someone unless I was extremely pissed off.  This one should be saved for situations where either you are actually mad or you are jokingly furious.

12. patheticgif

There are so many scenarios for this one.  Either you’re saying “You are completely pathetic”, or you are just stating that their comeback was pathetic, or their gif game is pathetic.  I’ve gotten pretty good at my use of this one.

13. flirtygif

I think this one is just self explanatory.

14. winkgif

…. And this one too.

15.  taylorgifily

“I LOVE YOU”- I just think this one is adorable.

16. iminsanegif

Either you’re trying to make a Blank Space reference, or you are just plainly stating that you’re insane. 

17. excitedgif

“YAY!” – Something great has just happened to either you or the person you’re talking to.  Either way, this gif is reserved for something pretty great.

18.  taylorcryinggif

This is the ultimate fake cry.  This one’s for when someone thinks they have offended you, or you want them to think they’ve offended you.

19. doesntseemgoodgif

“Well, that doesn’t sound good” – Maybe you’ve just gotten some bad news and you don’t really have any words for it.  (Someone just told you they failed a test)

20. yourewelcomegif

This one basically just says, “You’re welcome”.  I just did something awesome or maybe won an argument.

21. flatteredgif

Another way of saying you’re flattered by something.

22. awesomegif

Simply stating that you’re awesome, even if someone else doesn’t seem to think so.

23. goodbyegif

….And there is even a gif to say Goodbye!!

byegif

…and another

So, that was basically a typical conversation in gif form as told by Taylor Swift.  Hope y’all enjoyed it!!

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Okay, I promise I’m done. BYE!!!

The Loneliness Sets In

So… Valentines Day is coming up…. GREAT! The one day of the year us single people can stuff our faces with chocolate, binge watch Netflix, and laugh at all the stupid couple pictures.  The truth is, being single in college is fun.  It definitely has its ups and downs, but it is an experience, that’s for sure.  As a sophomore in college, I can tell you that I haven’t seen it all, but I can guarantee I have experienced love and heartache.  I had an immature high school relationship… we thought we were in love and were certain that we had a future together.  At the time, yes we were in love.  It was my first love, and everyone will go through that at least once in their lifetime.  Everyone deals with love and heartbreak and it affects everyone differently.  For me, losing the ones I care most deeply about is the most heart wrenching thing to go through.  It is sometimes hard to know that someone cares about you when you don’t have someone reminding you every day “I love you”, or “you are amazing”, or even just “I’m thinking about you”.  Sometimes, the words we need to hear the most become unspoken.

Being alone is hard.  We want so badly to be loved, but what we don’t actually realize is that until we love ourselves and we love God and accept Jesus into our lives, we can never truly experience love.  College in itself is a learning experience, and I know it sounds cliche when people say “college is where you find yourself and find out who you’re supposed to be”.  I believe this to an extent.  Some people will party their way through college, go to class and study the bare minimum, not really looking to get anything out of the experience.  That was me about a year ago.  I had just gone through a bad break up and I thought to myself, “what do I have to lose? No one cares about me or what I do anymore”. I had lost the one thing I cared the most about.  I tried so hard to act to everyone around me like I was fine and I didn’t care, but in reality I was breaking inside.

Every day I would wake up hoping for a text or a phone call saying “I’m sorry and I love you”.  I slowly realized that it just wasn’t going to happen and that I was just the hopeless girl who still cared about her ex who had moved on.  He didn’t care what I was doing or what was going on in my life anymore.  And it’s okay that he moved on, because I needed to move on too.  I think the situation taught me that people move on.  People lose touch and that’s okay. There are so many people who love me and care about me, and the best part about it is that even when you think you are all alone, Jesus has you.  You are never truly alone.  When I finally came to this realization and decided that I was going to become closer to God and be stronger in my faith, I realized “Wow! I am really not alone.”  Everyone needs that time to find themselves and who they want to be and what God wants them to do.

People spend so much time searching for the right person and trying to make things happen, when really we just need to let go and let God.  Everything happens for a reason.  I am a huge believer in this statement.  I think that God puts people in our lives for a reason and takes them out for another reason.  Everyone serves a purpose in the world.  There was a reason that I had that long-term high school relationship and I think God was teaching me a valuable lesson when He took that out of my life.  My first time experiencing heartache taught me that I don’t truly need someone else to make me happy and that basing my happiness off of another human being is so unhealthy.  I will never go through something like that again, but I do still have a lot to learn about myself.

Valentines Day still sucks, and it is hard to see happy couples together when you know you are going to be spending it alone. But this year I am going to think about it as a positive experience.  I need this time to be alone and God is preparing me for what is to come.  I am becoming an independent person who doesn’t need someone else to be happy.  I can be just fine on my own.  I have always been one of those people who needs certain people in her life to be happy.  I need my twin sister and I need my mom and I need my best friends.  But I need to learn that I am okay alone.  I would be okay without them.  I let my guard down so easily and trust people too quickly and I get so upset when I lose them, because I think to myself “this means they don’t care.  Great, someone else who doesn’t have time for me anymore or doesn’t want me in their life”.  The truth is, maybe God didn’t think they were serving a purpose in my life anymore.  They were causing me more harm than they were doing good.  I have a hard time accepting rejection and letting people just walk out of my life without an explanation, but I know it happens.  Like I said, I still have a LOT to learn, but I know God has big plans for me and I cannot wait to find out what He has in store.

“And He replied to him, You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.  This is the great (most important, principal) and first commandment.” Matthew 22:37-38 

13 Things We Learned from Taylor Swift (and we didn’t even know it)

Most people think Taylor Swift is just like any other pop artist who writes cheesy songs with no meaning.  Wow, could you be any more wrong.  Ever since I was a sophomore in high school, Taylor has helped me with so many problems in my life just by listening to her powerful words.  Each song has a different story line and a different meaning, and all of them are relatable on some level by anyone.  I have learned at least one lesson from every one of her songs, but I won’t bore you with all of them.  Here are my favorite 13 lessons (or stories) I have learned from Taylor Swift.

1. Mean“All you are is mean, and a liar, and pathetic, and alone in life and mean.” There are always going to be mean people in this world and we are always going to have to just stand up and be the bigger people and not let them get us down.  Some people just get pleasure out of putting others down, and it isn’t okay, but there is nothing we can do about it so we just have to move on and not care about it.  (Taylor got a standing ovation for her performance of this song at the Grammy’s, so yeah, she showed them).  The golden rule will always apply.

2. Dear John“Long were the nights when my days once revolved around you”.  This is the boy who thought he could play you along with a bunch of other girls but you invested all of your time in him anyway and your mom told you that this was a bad idea, but did you listen? Didn’t think so.  Even your friends told you to get out while you could but it’s too late now and now all you can do is hope that he thinks of you and what he did.

3. The Last Time“This is the last time I’m asking you this, put my name at the top of your list.” There is always that one person you just go back to.  You tell yourself you won’t go back to them and you are done, but you just keep going back.  But there needs to be a last time, you need to figure out what they want and if they don’t know what they want, don’t go back to them.  It’s that simple.  People can’t apologize for everything and then just leave and come back when it is convenient for them.  It isn’t fair, so ask them one last time what they want and then be done.

4. You’re Not Sorry–  “You’ve got your share of secrets and I’m tired of being last to know.” Nope, no matter how many times you say you are sorry I know you’re not so stop trying to act like “sorry” makes it okay.  There is a time when you just realize someone is lying to you and that is just a big wake up call where you realize it’s time to stop letting “sorry” cut it for an explanation.  Especially when that person keeps lying to you when you know the truth.  This relationship never works out so it is time to end it.

5. All Too Well- “I might be okay but I’m not fine at all.” You still remember everything about this relationship.  Even though it has been such a long time, the memories are still here and it feels like yesterday.  Sometimes, it makes us sad and we want to go back, but other times it fuels the fire of sadness and hatred towards the situation.  Thinking back on it we almost forget why it ended and want to go back.  It is hard to let go of these deep memories, and that’s okay, but they will slowly fade into the back of our memories and we will realize why it ended.

6. Clean“10 months sober I must admit, just because you’re clean don’t mean you don’t miss it.” When you finally realize someone or something is finally out of your system is the best feeling ever. It has taken you so long to get over it and it has caused you so much pain, but this is when you finally realize it is over and you are okay.   Yes, sometimes you wish you could go back but you won’t ever let that happen again because it isn’t worth the risk.

7. I Know Places- “Loose lips sink ships all the damn time.”  This is the relationship that everyone is trying to ruin and people talk about it like there is something wrong with it.  You don’t want anyone to find out what is going on because you know everything will be over.

8. I Knew You Were Trouble- “I guess you didn’t care and I guess I liked that.”  This is the toxic relationship you knew was going to end right when it started, but you held onto the hope that it would work because you had never felt something like this before, although you probably shouldn’t.  He makes you feel so bad but you still crave more because he is just so complicated.  Well, it’s trouble and it is going to end one way or another.

9. Never Grow Up– “Even though you want to, just try to never grow up.” Growing up is not what you expect it to be when you are little.  It comes with work, bills, and scary problems that we never thought we would come across in our entire lives.  Everyone grows up, but when we are little we want so badly to be older.  For what? We want to be able to drive? Have our own house? Go to college?  Well, remember when you are young you need to cherish being young because you aren’t always going to have your mom to take you to the movies for that awkward date and you won’t always be able to jump around the house in your  PJs, so cherish that.

10. The Story of Us- “Now I’m standing alone in a crowded room and we’re not speaking, and I’m dying to know if it’s killing you like it’s killing me.”  There is always that awkward situation where you are on bad or weird terms with someone.  You both have your guard up and are avoiding one another.  You just wish it could all go away and you could be back to normal like things used to be, but you don’t feel comfortable or welcome anymore.  You are just sitting in this room full of people on opposite sides of the room not even making eye contact with each other, but you just wish so badly that you could talk to them.  Does this happen to anyone else all the time or is it just me?

11. Enchanted- “I’ll spend forever wondering if you knew I was enchanted to meet you?”  You are just so thankful to have met this person because they mean so much to you.  You want so badly for them to know how much they mean to you, and it might not work out so you hold on to hope that it will.  This is just that person that you are enchanted by and really hope they feel the same way you do.

12. Bad Blood- “Now we’ve got problems and I don’t think we can solve them.”  You used to trust this person so much and believe they might actually be a good friend and have good intentions, but they stabbed you in the back so many times that you stopped believing in them.  Sometimes, you just have to walk away from friendships you aren’t benefitting from and from people who are bad friends.  “Time can heal but this won’t, so if you’re coming my way just don’t.”  Basically, if you have a friend who stabs you in the back and you are sick of dealing with it, listen to this song.

13. Begin Again- “I think it’s strange that you think I’m funny ’cause he never did.”  It is okay to fall in love after a toxic relationship.  It can be a wake up call to finally find someone who thinks you are great when your ex treated you like you were worthless.  Sometimes, we think love never ends happily, but we just need one person to care and think we mean something to get us going again.

and last but not least….

“If you’re lucky enough to be different, never change.”Taylor Swift

Worrying Solves Nothing

I spend the majority of my days worrying about the outcomes of certain situations.  Anywhere from how well I know the material for a test, to freezing up in the middle of a speech, all the way down to the words in a meaningless text message.  If you are anything like me, you know that it is hard not to overanalyze every situation.  Living in the present rather than trying to predict the future or rearrange the past is a lot harder than it seems.  There are so many things that are just out of our control and we have to accept that and let the pieces fall into place over time.  God has a plan for everything.

Don’t let yourself miss out on the present because you are too busy trying to control your future.  I would have to say this is my biggest problem.  I am such a control freak that I get bogged down by the smallest things.  I get caught up in thinking about my future and “what if I’m not successful?” or “what if I never get married?” and so on… Worrying about these things does nothing for me except cause problems that are non-existent.  I think part of the problem is that our society gets so caught up in trying to be perfect.  We aspire to be like the people we see on television or in magazines, but the reality is that those people are not perfect either.  No one is perfect; God created us all as imperfect individuals who are miraculous just the way we are.

Don’t worry about what other people think about you.  I mean, to an extent, yes we should care about how we are viewed by our peers, but we should not let this control our emotions.  If someone is mad at me or causing me stress and hurt, I let it control my emotions.  We have to learn how to have enough pride to control our happiness without letting others affect it.  I will sit here and worry that someone is mad at me if I say one thing wrong, or if I sounded somewhat sassy over a text message.  Things like this can get so tangled up in your emotions that they start to consume you.

You can’t control everyone else.  People have to learn things on their own, and whether you think you can convince them to see eye to eye with you, this is not always how it works.  I get so caught up in trying to get people to agree with me and want the same things as me, but what I really need to realize is that everyone was created differently.  Not everyone can be who I want them to be just for my own sake.  It isn’t fair to think like that.

And lastly, stop trying to create things that aren’t really there.  Being alone is hard, especially when you are constantly worrying about other people.  Loss is my biggest fear in life.  I can’t stand the thought of losing the people I love, but sometimes it happens.  I spend so much time trying to force relationships that aren’t really there, and it isn’t fair to myself or to the other person.  The truth is, I can be okay without the people I care about. No one likes to deal with loss, but it’s just a cycle of life.  It is all part of God’s plan, and I need to trust in that.  Love will find you.  It is important to remember not to go looking for love and relationships, because they will come to you.  It sounds very cliche, but it’s just the truth.  The more we try to control romance and try to force things that really aren’t there, the less we are getting from it.  Just live life, and let it be.  Love will come naturally when God is ready to put someone in your life that makes you feel important for all the right reasons.  I can promise you that worrying about someone who doesn’t commit or isn’t giving you their time is not doing you any good.

Anxiety and worry and regret are all a part of life, but we have to have the courage to face them and not let it control us or affect who we are.  We feel everything so deeply and so passionately, that it is so difficult to not try to control the future.  It is hard to let go and put everything you have ahead of you in someone else’s hands, but God has us.  He is just preparing us for the greatness that is ahead.  So worry less, and be happy.

Words that Matter

“Real life is a funny thing, you know. I think most of us fear reaching the end of our life and looking back regretting the moments we didn’t speak up. When we didn’t say ‘I love you’. When we should have said ‘I’m sorry’. So there’s a time for silence, and there’s a time for waiting your turn. But if you know how you feel, and you so clearly know what you need to say, you’ll know it. I don’t think you should wait. I think you should speak now.”

-Taylor Swift

My greatest fear is looking back on my life and realizing I worried about all of the wrong things or that I did the wrong things or I wasn’t good enough at what I did.  The realization I have come to is that there are things we need to worry about and then there are certain things we should just do.  Most people live life the way they think it should be lived, planning and worrying about what comes next (I am way too guilty of this).  Sometimes, you just have to step back and live in the moment.  If you’re feeling a certain way or want to say something to someone, then SAY IT.  The worst that could happen is that you could face rejection or maybe even thinking you made a mistake.  But, if it had been the opposite way, you could live the rest of your life wondering what could have been.  I would rather live a life knowing that I said everything I needed to say and told everyone how I felt instead of masking it behind things that aren’t important.

I have been known to ask everyone around me what the right thing to do is, what I should say or how I should say it.  What is becoming clear is that I need to ask MYSELF “what would I say? Is this really ME or is just what I want other people to think of me?” There comes a time where you can’t get any more advice from people.  You have to start speaking for yourself.  I am the person who lets everyone know their emotions, which is a blessing and a curse.  I am an open book when it comes to that.  Getting advice from other people about how to express my feelings doesn’t do me much good because I will think about what I could have said or what could have been communicated in a different way.

Yes, there are times when not saying anything at all can be better than using your words.  Then, on the other hand, there are times where we just need to say how we are feeling.  I am so tired of not saying things due to fear of being judged or rejected, because this is the worst that could happen.  Masking your feelings can be a really detrimental thing if it goes on for a long enough amount of time.  So now, I would have to say that my biggest fear in life is not saying the wrong thing, but missing things because of things I could have said, but was too scared to.  If we hide behind our fear of life and love and getting hurt are we really living at all? I don’t feel like I am living my life fully if I can’t express my feelings to the people I care about.  So I don’t think you should wait, I think you should SPEAK NOW.